The Tale of Two Stars and the Curse of Being a "Pick Me"

"Remember, (wo)man, thou art dust and to dust thou shall return"

In internet patois, a “Pick Me girl” is someone who throws all their energies into external validation. You dress, style, and behave in such a way as to maximize desirability. Your whole life is geared toward making yourself as attractive and desirable as possible for (typically) male attention.

Amongst my students, it is strictly a term of derision, and the girls in particular are hyper aware and hyper sensitive when one of their peers is over doing it. Of course they recognize “the game” and they are not purists as such. Being attractive, dressing well, interacting with their peers in such a way as not to alienate is a worthy goal, and certainly prepares you well for being an adult and negotiating professional and personal success. But the notion that some folks are “laying it on thick” and are trying their darnedest to “get picked” is considered gauche (my word, not theirs). For most teens they have internalized a modicum of temperance between not caring and caring too much. Inter-sexual approval must always be balanced with intra-sexual approval. These rules are implicit and they are unsparing and sometimes brutal.

For those women and men who’ve been successful in approval rise up the status hierarchy, and those that can win amongst men and women are “stars.”

As Mrs. Kensington notes about Austin Powers: “Women want him, and men want to be him.” Our “stars” are those fortunate amongst us who are blessed with talent, looks, and charm. They are “charismatic”—endowed with some kind of magic power to steal the attention of all those around them. We can’t help but look at them and too them. If you have ever been in a room with someone possessing these powers, it is real. You can’t help it. You are drawn to them. They have real power. But I’ve also learned that those with this kind of power at 22 do not always have it when they are 52, especially if that power is based upon youthful good looks.

However, time waits for no one.

The great scourge of the the star is that in time, they will either submit to time, or attempt to charm it. This can turn even the most extraordinary amongst us into “Pick Me’s”. Who amongst us would be immune to it? But Time comes for all of us. Time is inexorable. For us mere mortals, this is no shocker. We mids grow up knowing that we must resort to other “talents” in order to negotiate the world. But for attractive and charismatic people, Time is a menace. Gravity wins. Looks fade. Charms lose their effectiveness.

In this light, I came across a picture of Kate Beckinsale this weekend, and it was arresting: